


I Don't Know (I Really Don't)

by seo_joohyeon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, fluff?, idk really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 15:52:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seo_joohyeon/pseuds/seo_joohyeon
Summary: Jisung just can't handle his feelings, his hyungs aren't helping.





	I Don't Know (I Really Don't)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't know. This just came suddenly, and i didn't expect to finish this in one sitting so forgive me if this might be a little bad. Okay maybe a lot.

“You sir, is emotionally constipated.”

Jisung groans, he didn’t need him to tell him again for the nth time. He knew it was a mistake coming to Donghyuck for some advice, not that he’s sure he thinks he needs one. The only thing that came out of his mouth was how pretty Chenle looks, how his laugh is so loud but is endearing in a way and his eyes when he smiles, _oh_ his smile.

Donghyuck told him how whipped he is, he doesn’t need him to tell him that either because as much of an awkward person he is, he knows that. You think he doesn’t? He won’t be having this irrational emotional and mental crisis if he doesn’t. He would be fine about being dense, at least he won’t be aware of how much his best friend affects him.

Jaemin lightly hits Donghyuck for laughing. “How is that helpful?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “I’m not being helpful, I thought you should know by now,” he says. “I’m not telling him to man-up and tell Chenle about how much he likes him because I for one, is having that kind of problem. I’m not giving him advice that even I can’t follow.”

Yangyang stops, fingers hovering on the controls of his play station, and looks at Donghyuck with an amused expression. “Wow, that’s new. I’d never thought I’d hear something like that from you, Haechannie.”

Donghyuck is aghast. “Why you—” then proceeds to tackle the other boy down, followed by a series of unmanly screams from both sides as they roll on the floor.

Jisung just watches them, wide eyed. Why did he come for them again?

Jaemin sighs. “Don’t mind them,” he tells him. He bites his lip when the younger put his attention towards him expectantly. Oh welp, nor he doesn’t know what to say. Because, Jaemin for one, is a victim of pining over his best friend. Seriously, having feelings for your best friend is annoying. And Dangerous. But he’s not about to tell Jisung that. “Donghyuck is right, but clichés aside, I’m actually telling you to tell Chenle about it?” Nice one Na Jaemin.

The statement wasn’t convincing at all, heck it wasn’t even a statement. And that’s from Na Jaemin, who flirts with anyone openly. Although Jisung knows that’s an exterior, he wishes he has that. Every time he flirts with Chenle, he only gets bro-zoned. He knows he didn’t mean to, because Chenle is Chenle.

“So you’re saying that I should just go for it?” Jisung raises an eyebrow because Jaemin, he’s sure, _won’t_ just go for it. The older nods. “You’re telling me to do something your asses can’t even do.” He nods again. “I’m with Donghyuck hyung on this one.”

They hear Donghyuck victoriously say ‘yes!’ from somewhere beneath all the pillows that Yangyang seem to have buried him under. Jisung doesn’t where he got all the pillows.

Jaemin sulks down on the sofa, defeated. “I know I know, but think about it, we can’t do it, maybe you can,” he says. “And that’s something to brag to your hyungs right? You like that, won’t you?”

Damn, using that against him. Jisung isn’t buying it. “I would jump at any opportunity to brag in front of your ugly faces but not this one, we’re as equally hopeless when it comes to romance.”

Jaemin makes an offended noise.

“Okay maybe except you, but then, hyung you can’t even gather the courage to ask him out, the Na Jaemin, and if Na Jaemin can’t do that, the romantic person here, what about me? The socially awkward kid who his fans quoted ‘can’t even handle his best friend away from him for a second’ over misheard lyrics.”

Jaemin giggles, remembering that clip from the internet. His Czennies are such creative exit signs. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration though, considering that Chenle doesn’t live here anymore. Imagine if that were true— no, no don’t.”

Well, Jisung did and that sounds sad. And terrible.

Okay, Jaemin, you just scared your precious mochi. “You give me too much credit, you know,” he says. “I can only pour out my affections openly because they’re used to it. It’s frustrating and relieving at the same time when he brushes it off as Na Jaemin-ly things. You on the other hand, okay well maybe not so much.”

Jisung gives him a dead-panned look. “Is that supposed to help me?”

“Well man, I’m sorry, you said it yourself we have the same problem,” Jaemin says, hands up. “So, we can’t help you. Uh, does telling you our own experience help though? I mean, it’s kinda comforting I’m not the only one with a cowardly ass.”

“That comfort is temporary.”

Silence.

They stare at each other knowing none of their conversation made sense, it’s just story telling of how cowardly they are and how hopeless they are when it comes to _these_ things, to the point where their fans made memes about it. It’s actually funny, but sad when you stare at it for a long time. Jisung’s right, it’s a temporary comfort.

“If you tell him, what’s there to lose?” Their heads snap up to the right, Yang yang looking at them innocently as if he isn’t burying Donghyuck under hundreds of pillow, who might not be breathing anymore. “What?”

The mountain of pillows suddenly shakes and Donghyuck stands up from the center, long hair all over his face. Okay, still breathing then. “He could lose his best friend idiot.”

Yangyang grins sheepishly. “Sorry, I just wanna use that, it’s all people ever say in dramas.”

“That’s all people ever say as if it was so easy, I get they want to encourage us or something but to be honest, it’s not working for me. No offense to the makers of the drama though.” Donghyuck then lies back down, succumbing to his hundred-year sleep and Yangyang proceeds to rebuild the mountain of pillows.

He looks at the two once again who was watching the exchange with unreadable expression. Yup, that certainly isn’t helpful. Jisung wonders if Donghyuck not breathing this time.

Noticing the discouraged look in their faces, Yangyang clears his troat. “Okay, that’s really pessimistic of you Hachannie, you’re supposed to be optimistic about this, you’re full sun for goodness’ sake,” he kicks the tower lightly in spite, Donghyuck grumbles from underneath. “Though I said what I said without meaning it, now I actually do. I mean, he’s your best friend, _and_ it’s Chenle. He’d never hate you for that.”

Jisung thinks about it, he might be a little right about that, but… “Okay, let’s say I tell him, there’s no one hundred percent chance that he, uh, might not return the feelings?” His voice comes out squeaky at the end.

Yangyang gives him a confused expression. “Wait what? I thought you just wanted to tell him?”

“Did you just disregard that?’ Jaemin blinks at him in disbelief. “Rejection hurts you know.”

“It actually depends on how you’re rejected,” Yangyang says, deep in thinking. “What’s in your mind though? Confessing to him and expecting a positive answer or just confessing and getting it out of your system?”

Jaemin throws a pillow at him, sadly he dodged and hits the tower. “Oops.” They watch as it topples down, again, revealing an unimpressed Donghyuck who looked like he was about to sleep if it weren’t for the disturbance.

Yangyang sighs. Jaemin almost pops a vein when he starts putting the pillows on top of each other again, one by one. “What the hell are you doing?”

Haecahn shushes him impatiently. “It’s his way of thinking, shut up Jaemin.”

Yangyang grins at that and sits up straight like a wise person, clearing his throat in a very obnoxious manner while looking at Jaemin smugly. Jisung thinks he isn’t the youngest in the room, at the moment.

“As I was saying,” Jaemin wanted to throw a pillow at Yangyang again, but he chooses to listen to him instead. Since, Donghyuck claimed he’s thinking, _wow_. “You’ll lose a best friend you say, think about it, if he does avoid you for it, won’t it be better because you know, after you confess and he rejects you, you can move on faster. And if he’s uncomfortable, what makes you think you’re not going to be uncomfortable either? So don’t hold it against him. Though I doubt that would happen.”

Jaemin’s mouth was open at this point.

“ And expecting a positive answer, hmm, that’s a fifty-fifty you know?” he says, and he’s _actually_ thinking about it. “If he likes you back, okay that’s good but if he doesn’t, don’t be mad about it. It means something, he likes someone else, he doesn’t know it yet, or he simply doesn’t like you, which is impossible cause your best friends with him. But if that happens, be a sport I think? It’s not his fault he can’t return your feelings.”

Applause sounds from underneath, once again toppling Yangyang’s beloved tower. But he looks unbothered and Donghyuck had already woken up from his hundred-year sleep, I mean if that’s what you call evading the talk you know you also needed. Jaemin just sighs and claps his hands, too.

“Although it hurts, that’s how it is,” Yangyang finishes.

For Jisung, it doesn’t make sense. But thinking about, it does. A little.

He weighs the pros and cons, if he tells Chenle about it, it’s a given that he won’t avoid him. They’re best friends, and he’d never avoid him. Unless he’s sick and had some kind of virus, though Jisung still thinks that if that happens, he’d infect him. Joking aside, if he _does_ reject him, then he’d understand because he too would not know how to act afterwards.

Jaemin was about to interrupt his internal monologue but Yangyang throws a pillow at him, successfully. And that results him to throw it back but hits Donghyuck instead who, like before, tackled him down and throwing _friendly_ profanities.

If he doesn’t feel the same, then that’s how it is. He can’t force him to like him back. He could lose a lot but then, he would surely gain something. He just doesn’t know what. But that’s life, full of surprises.

“Okay, I’m telling him.”

Jaemin and Donghyuck looks at him with wide eyes. “You are?”

“No.”

They just came back from Shanghai, to say that Jisung was elated is an understatement. He couldn’t describe his happiness, they had two days for themselves exploring Shanghai. Just the two of them. He get to sleep beside Chenle just like before. If the smile on his face wasn’t anough, then I don’t know what is.

“Did you had fun?” Chenle looks at him expectantly with a wide smile.

He looks so happy that Jisung doesn’t want to disappoint him. And he won’t. “A lot, I want to go back again if possible.”

Chenle laughs. “Yeah, next time we’ll come with the other hyungs,” he says excitedly, his eyes already planning something. “It would be a chaos, I think Mark hyung would be the first one to be shot.” He laughs again.

In between his rants, he fails to notice the fond look his best friend was giving him. If only the car ride would be longer, he would very much like that. He could listen to him all day, and they’d never be a meter apart.

The thought makes him frown, but quickly replaces it with a smile before Chenle notices. They’re somehow a little bit right, he could only handle just as much when his best friend is away.

“Ji?”

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Chenle looks at him for a moment, Jisung panics. But then he smiles. “Jisungie is tired,” he coos, reaching to pinch his cheeks all the way from the back seat. “I’ll tell you next time.”

“No, you can—” before he can finish, the car is already pulling out their dorm’s driveway. He sighs dejectedly, grabbing his bad. “Bye Le,” Jisung smiles.

Chenle raises his eyebrows. “Bye? I’m staying here tonight.”

“You are?” The sparkle in his eyes is noticeable to any passers-by.

“Let’s extend our Shanghai trip together, yeah?” Chenle grins, taking his arm and drags him inside excitedly. “I wonder what Renjun hyung’s face will be when he sees all the tea we bought.” He couldn’t think of anything else other than his best friend’s hand around his arm.

And just as much, when the door opened, the dorm was chaos. Donghyuck runs to hug Chenle, pressing their cheeks together in so much affection. Renjun comes out of his room, then lights up. Chenle braces for the hug but the older instead grabs the package he had put down the floor before.

Jeno laughs, clutching his stomach.

Jisung sighs, we’re back home. And it’s chaotic alright, but Chenle is here. His hyungs are here. He looks up and finds Jaemin rtaising an eyebrow at the hand grabbing his, he looks away with flushed face.

“So, did anything happened?” he asks later, a teasing look on his face.

Jisung pushes his face away with a smile. “We walked a lot, rode a ferry, went to an arcade, we played laser tag, went to an amusement park— the rides were so scary,” he shivers, remembering the rides taller than the Yangyang’s pillow fort. “I saw his room, we slept on his bed, we saw his nephew and took a picture— he was so cute.”

“Who? Chenle or his nephew?” And Jisung doesn’t regret the pillow he threw to his face.

“Shut up.” His Chenle is cute and of course he’s nephew is also cute, he’s Chenle’s nephew, why wouldn’t he.

“Jisung!” Chenle’s head popped by the door, scaring him to death. Did he hear? But they didn’t talk about it explicitly though, but still. “I need extra pillows, and where are the blankets?”

His brain suddenly slow-circuits. “Huh?”

“You can sleep in Jisung’s bed,” Jaemin offers and before Jisung could say anything, Chenle’s already disappeared from the room yelling an ‘okay’. Jaemin holds out his palm. “A hundred bucks please.”

Jisung gapes at him, then giving him his wallet before he leaves for his room. “Hey! This is my wallet!”

Donghyuck and Yangyang passes by him when he leaves. “Is he going to do it?”

Jaemin shrugs. “I hope he does, but again, he’s a chicken.”

“You’re more of a chicken though,” says Donghyuck with a deadpanned face. He looks at Yangyang who seem to be thinking. He pats jaemin to get his attention. “He’s thinking.”

“Shit, you’re right,” says Jaemin, eyes wide. “What art thou thinking, oh wise one?” Donghyuck cringed.

Yangyang looks at them with furrowed eyebrows. “Does Chenle likes boys though?”

“Oh.”

Jsiung finds Chenle sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall. He glances at him. “What was that about? Did you owe Jaemin hyung money or something?”

He shakes his head, sitting beside him. Jisung watches him play on his phone. He takes note of how his a stray hair slightly falls on his face, his poor straw-like hair, he likes dying his hair so much but he’s happy, and that’s what’s important. And he’s still breathtaking nevertheless.

Jisung doesn’t know when he noticed his overwhelming affection for his best friend, it made him worry but then the happiness that came with the sadness is a hundred times as much.

“Ji, what is it?” Jisung sends him a questioning look. “You’re staring.”

Surprisingly, his face didn’t flush red.

He looks at him. Jisung’s been keeping this for so long, maybe it’s time to tell him. Get the suspense out of his chest, and just get this over with once and for all. If he doesn’t return the feelings, then at least he can say that he tried. And brag to his hyung’s how he’s braver then their asses.

He slowly takes Chenle’s hands— he sees ‘game over’ on the screen of his phone a second later, _oof_ — and holds them tightly while he gazes at him. Jisung isn’t sure how he looks right then, or what kind of expression he’s sporting, but he knows his chest is about to burst from how his heart was beating fast.

“Le, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay, tell me.”

But then, the words die down as he looks at Chenle, his eyes distracting him greatly. _Oh shit oh shit, I can’t do it_. How do you tell your best friend you have a not-so-platonic feelings for them that you’ve been harboring for a long time now and how they make you so happy and subtracting the chance that their friendship might collapse. Oh shit indeed.

Jisung had been ready— well, he _thought_ he was ready but here he is, hands clammy and shaky. Abort mission, his brain says, he can even hear the sirens in his head. If there are tiny Jisung’s operating in there, like the one in Spongebob’s, they would already be in chaos. His brain is going to shut down.

“Jisung, are you alright—?”

_Oh fuck oh fuck he just kissed him what the fuck_.

He swear he feels the shock travel all over his body when feels Chenle’s lips on his, he didn’t even do anything else than give him a peck. And that’s it, but Jisung felt, I don’t know elated. More, even. It was like as if butterflies decided to live in his stomach— wait, that sounds weird and scary. If Jisung could draw, he’s sure it would full of colors, but well, he can’t so that’s just that. Fireworks all over his body, yeah that’s it.

When he pulls away, he sees the stunned expression on his best friend’s face, blinking several times. “Wow,” he says, still stunned. “That was electrifying.”

It is. “Chenle, I like you. A lot. Romantically.”

That breaks him out of his frozen state. “Oh,” _Oh_? Jisung feels his eyes sting, this is it— “That’s great— hey, don’t cry, I’m not mad or anything. Just surprised, jeez, Jisung, you’re making me nervous for no reason. I thought I did something to spite you.”

Jisung could only nod, a bit relieved that he’s still talking to him. “I’m sorry.”

Chenle chuckles. “You have nothing to be sorry for, I’m just really surprised,” he says, and if anything, he only shuffles closer to him. “I didn’t expect that you’d be using actions instead of words. Thanks for telling me though.”

He feels his hands tighten, and then Jisung smiles. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I’m just happy that I told you, and we’re still friends.”

“Best friends,” he corrects him. He stares at their hands. “It’s not that I don’t feel the same, I don’t know how to feel. I never liked someone before, it’s new. Maybe I feel the same, maybe I don’t. But I could tell one thing, I’m happy.”

Jisung gives him a fond look. That’s a relief.

“So happy,” and even though his hair’s dying, Jisung still loves his smile, he still lives him. Okay wait— that’s a weird claim. Rewind even though his hair looks like a mop— okay, that’s enough. Just get on with it. “I admit that I do feel all sort of things when I’m with you, but don’t look into it, I don’t want to say I feel the same just because you confessed to me. I don’t want you thinking I’m only liking you back because you do.”

Jisung nods, satisfied at that. He can handle being in the best friend zone a little bit more, he’s not impatient about it. As long as Chenle’s here, beside him, then it doesn’t matter much.

“Give me some time? I want to feel what you feel without having to feel obligated of liking you back, because I know, that sucks.”

He nods again, smiling like a puppy.

“But I like you. I just don’t know if we’re on the same page yet.”

“I’m fine with that.”

Jisung’s never been so happy, with his arm around his best friend, closer than ever. Yup, he’s definitely fine with this, until Chenle sorts out his feelings, he’s here. Even though he’s sleeping late because of the electricity that seemed to explode every time they touch, he doesn’t mind. Although, that sounds dangerous if it’s wires, cause you know, electricity flows in wires— _okay, weird analogy, stop_.

The smile on his face when he closes his eyes says it all.

Jaemin rolls his eyes at the youngest, he shouldn’t have encourage him about bragging because he swears he wants to tape his mouth shut right then. Okay, maybe not, Jisung’s a baby. But every time he catches his eyes, he has that smug look. Even Donghyuck gave up and didn’t look at him in the eye.

It’s so annoying.

And to think he’d get a break today, he had sat beside Chenle, forgetting that the other might be around, he’s not wrong and there, Jisung peers from his phone, his head laid down on Chenle’s lap. He smirks. “So—.”

_Fu_ — “Fine, I’m doing it!”

“Doing what?” He finds Jeno looking at him, eyebrows raised.

Renjun snickers from where he was seated. “Drugs.” They all look at him. “What? He’s sick!” He flips them off and walks over to Jaemin cups his head in mock inspection. Jisung snickers of how red Jaemin is. Jeno didn’t help either when he believed Renjun and puts his hands on his forehead.

“Hyung, you’re red.”

“Zhong Chenlei!”

“Yeah, like the letter E in Google.” Again with his weird analogies.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me hear what you think on the comment section. I hope you like it!


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